26 Years Later It Is OVER

On February 14th this wonderful year of the lord 2017 my husband of 22 years came home after another few days away. He has been seeing an old girlfriend from 26 years ago. Our future looks completely different now, no longer in love with each other. What I have learned from crawling out of a gray hole of the blues is the following.  There is life after heartbreak that I am assured of and my future will be rewarding until my last day. Because I have survived for myself!

See he settled for me instead of her because as he stated she was to high maintenance.  I should of seen this coming after all for years she has been his eternal number one.

We have to be fair our marriage was falling apart long before this time. We have been growing apart these past couple years. I have not dated outside or cheated on him. Early in our marriage it was agreed upon we would divorce BEFORE either of us would take that action. He forgot that part. My husband now at the time, is 53 years old and I am 60 years young. I have the saggy neck and arms but all in all not a bad looking mature women. I watch my weight and try to be presentably dressed in public. I worked for over 25 years and helped pay our household bills and raise my two children to adulthood. When we married I had two children from other relationships. I was a single working women, mother, and daughter to a wonderful supportive father. I miss my father daily!! What I did gain was a wonderful grown daughter that is my best friend, and rock. She and her husband have two beautiful children ages two and three, a boy and girl. I am a very blessed women.
What I forgot was to save as much money as I could during our relationship to make a graceful exit.

TIP ONE:
Ladies save your own money even if you can only put away a dollar a week, do it!
I am on disability and he is paying our mortgage, taxes, and the majority of bills.
We live in a community property  state of Texas so thank goodness.
I took three days to mourn the passing of the years we spent the positive moments we
shared, and the wonderful things we used to be to each other.

You will get over the lost love, broken heart, and fear of loneliness, I promise. It will get better with time. Grab your pillow, cry scream, puke, and wallow in your pain embrace your heartache. What comes next is letting go. That is a big one ladies and gents I am not going lie to you. It hurts like hell for awhile so get it all out. If you pray go there for some that is the answer to see the light again. My way was a grief stair step.

TIP TWO:
Look up the steps for grieving the end of a relationship.
I was a former researcher in my career so I google everything now. It is my old school encyclopedia, therapist, friend, confident, and my link to current knowledge. All hail Google. Some of you won’t understand why I am hailing Google to that I say look it up

Why am I writing all this personal dirty laundry for the world to read. It is not to gain sympathy, but after researching our unique situation if even one women reads this and finds comfort it is worth it.  Currently as of February 21, 2017 my soon to be ex-husband and I are sharing the house. We have been sleeping in separate rooms for little over two years. Due to Texas being a state of community property this is our reality right this moment. I am not going anywhere, I say in my best Darth Vader voice. You got to find humor in any situation it is better for me than crying. I choose this alternative.  How does separated but living under the same roof happen to work? Actually not as hard as some people might think.  Due to finances, my lack of dedication to walk away with nothing I still live here.  Next I am sharing how to live together separately.

TIP THREE:
After the tears, blame stage, and arguing, next you must decide how your going to communicate with your EX. Oh I like that EX that will be the monitor I will use from now on. See your not actually divorced yet but the hearts have changed direction and in our case there is NO absolutely NO going back. Our relationship is over now we must work to be civil to cohabitate for the time being.

After researching how to live separated under the same roof here is what I learned. The absolute first thing on your list, oh I am a list maker and so far that has served me well on my way to recovery. Now you have to communicate with your EX and not the way your heart and head might scream you do so. Calm down as hard as that can me.
Communication is very important since there are household and personal issues you must discuss. Especially if there are children involved.
In our case my children are grown, we never had any together.
I came up with the idea to email each other. Since we had each others email I started with the request that we talk in that fashion. Ironically he works and comes home currently so it would be easy to actually speak to him if I wanted to.
For my insanity sake this is not a choice for me. I am afraid that my mouth will say what I am really thinking. We have two small children under this roof that don’t need to learn new words rather not that kind of language.
Let’s catch up for a moment, I have gone through the stages of grieving, heartbreak, and
have moved straight to survival. I have a sensitive heart and am a optimistic soul.

I refuse to let this situation destroy me as I have to much to continue to live for in my life. Some people find that they seem to find themselves reliving their misery over and over again. That is not an option for me since I am involved with two small children’s lives. I won’t have them remember me as a bitter, sad, grieving, grandmother. Hell no won’t go that way for sure.

TIP FOUR:
Time to make changes as small as they may be baby steps towards a brighter future. Don’t let your pain become a mental habit seek help from family, friends, therapist, girlfriends, and keep looking until you find someone that has been here. I will tell you we are at every turn of the corner. I am a classic myself, husband left me for his first true love, a younger women to boot. You got to laugh at that, I almost do and soon I will.

Instead of looking at the past concentrate on forward thinking. Making changes in your environment, hairstyle, just anything that breaks up the look of the daily routine you experienced when you with your EX. Remember this do what is best for you and your children. Or if alone like me do you, go shopping for a new shirt, cell phone, or just fix yourself up. Pull yourself up listening to your favorite music or visit with a dear friend. It is time to be selfish and make yourself smile as often as possible. See yourself in the future this takes the practice of visualization which has to be learned.  It is to see your EX in a different light. I am to literal thinking so I formatted my own self therapy path.

Disclaimer time: I am paraphrasing to you in my own words and opinion the results of several articles that I have read from relationship experts. These tips are a result of the path that I have decided to take in my life.

If you decide that your marriage is worth saving don’t take my advice. To everyone that may read this keep in mind I am just one woman going through a recent very bad breakup and trying to take the high road to recovery. My career degree is in marketing and sales and in no way does that make me a professional therapist.

TIP FIVE:
In time you will learn to step out of the memories, leave behind what was good and bad about your relationship. Now this takes time and working on yourself in lots of positive ways helps in your recovery.  I love flowers so I surround myself with fresh daisies, never walk out of my house without looking my very best. Listen to lots of uplifting music, watch movies, go out dancing, and take walks. Now this is your time just do anything that boosts your self esteem and moods.

Separated and living in same house during separation

by Thursday, September 18, 2014

Living in the same house during separation is not the easiest thing to do and there are numerous articles on the subject from life coaches and the likes of Huffington Post and the pages of women’s magazines, so we won’t attempt to tell you how to go about managing your day to day life.

Maintaining separate households.

The court will expect you to say that you literally do not share anything

Here are a list of things that you cannot do if you want to maintain that you have been living separately in your divorce and you will need to go into some detail how this works if the judge queries your arrangements which are initially set out in the divorce petition.

  • Sharing meals
  • Sharing a bedroom
  • Socialising together
  • Sharing a bank account
  • Sharing children activities
  • Sharing the shopping
  • Eating meals together

 

 Credit: I have shared some tips on recovery after researching several publications. I am sharing the below link to two of them. Content is owned by this blog @copyrightKRB.

Extracted from How To Mend Your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn (Bantam Press, £7.99). ° 2003, Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-165247/10-steps-heal-broken-heart.html#ixzz4Z96fNlgG

 

 

Vintage

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I grew up going to antique shops with my aunts. So it was a natural path to introduce my own daughter April to thrifting at a young age.
My father J.C
Reel owned a retail store and I was running his register at age eleven. The reason that I share this with you is buying and selling is part of my DNA. Daddy taught me that customers were to be respected and appreciated. He taught me manners, respect for others and most importantly how to seek out merchandise others found of value.
Life lesson number one how to go to college and raise two littles alone. While money was tight it taught me valuable lessons on how to be thrifty. Our weekends included a trip to the in season farmers market and stops by thrift stores.

As time past and my kids were growing up our stops included antique malls. To make extra money I bought and sold housewares, office supplies, and collectables to students and staff at colleges in my area. I must admit one side job was writing and selling term papers which came easily for me.
Several years later I find a lot of my time in antique malls, thrift stores, and auctions. Do you see a theme here? Selling tangible goods is in my DNA.
April my daughter now owns http://www.RoundRockvintageco.com. Her items are from the time eras 1950 to early 90’s. She has a wonderful eye for vintage items and photography.
Please stop by her shop to say hi and check out her items.

April Bogus @aprilintheburbs is married to Darren and they have two children, Johnny is 3 1/2 and Dottie is two.

Fun Free Toddler Activity Ideas

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Hello Folks,

    I just had to share with you some great fun activities to do with two and three year olds.
As a Grandmother of six with four of those boys living away from me, it delights me these two grandbabies live with us.
 Our family lives in Round Rock Texas for those familiar with the area we are near Dell Diamond and a multigenerational household. Our daughter April,  her husband Darren and their kiddos John who we call Johnny or Bubba is three years old. Dorothy whom we call Dottie, Dot, Sissy, is two years old. My husband David and I love having the family with us. It is wonderful to be able to support each other through thick and thin. We are a happy home with our two dogs Sailor and Lyric and our twenty-four year old bird Poppy. Yes, our days are very busy. April is super mom and wife plus my bestie.
  Attending toddler activities that keep little minds and hands busy takes some schedule juggling. April and I are always looking for fun, low cost things that might interest our littles. October has been a blissfully month with fall festivals and Halloween activities.
Keep in mind activities for two and three year olds don’t have to be complex, simple is best.  Each day holds teachable moments whether it is building a puzzle or listening to a story being read to them.
 We live not far from downtown Round Rock. It has a small town feel and has a fantastic library.  Round Rock Library schedules events for the entire family. Don’t forget to visit your local library there is a wealth of entertainment to be found.
Here Johnny and Dottie had a blast exploring the big monster truck parked at Dell Diamond. It was free to stop for photo opportunities and the littles loved touching the big tires.  Yes they got a little dirty but that is what baby wipes are for and I am thankful their mommy knows they have to be kids.
I teased my daughter telling her that I love toddler activities as much as they do.
Every outing is an exploration from watching the butterflies stopping by our front yard during their migration to helping their Papaw fill our bird feeders.  Teaching little minds is a never ending activity for the adults in their lives. My father JC Reel loved nature and taught me to respect the environment and animals in it. I am blessed to have a caring, wonderful supportive family who believes in passing down those legacy lessons.
Cherish Your Loved Ones,
Kathy B.
@kathyrb
Please feel free to leave a comment about your favorite activities for little ones.
Visit with their mommy sometimes she would like to hear from you all.
@aprilintheburbs
We both own Etsy shops stop by and browse sometime.
A percentage of each sale goes to charity.
My shop is 56 Vintage Co
April’s is Round Rock Vintage

 

Rosas Mexican Restaurant

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2111 East Palm Valley Boulevard Round Rock, TX.

Hello Folks,

One of my favorite past times other than thrift store shopping is trying out new eateries. Since I past by this one often finally last month stopped in for lunch. I am on a strict carbohydrates counting diet so this was definitely a treat. Plus for the record I start each cafe meal by tasting each item.

I give their beans and rice a try and enjoyed them. Then I took a bite of the enchilada and was not impressed. No, I am not a food critic by trade but a native Texan so I know great Mexican food.

Rosa’s homemade tortillas were okay. Taco Cabana makes some of the best tortillas I have ever eaten. I must give their interior decorating a A-plus due to the colorful paintings, hanging birds, reasonable prices, and colorful chairs. The cafe was clean and the staff were friendly and accommodating.

Overall out of *** 5 stars being High Praise this ole gal will pass on another visit.

I grade Rosa’s a ***3 Stars rating  meaning Okay. To be fair this rating is strictly on the flavor of their food. It is right up there with Taco Bell but higher prices yet Rosa’s does serve alcohol if your so inclined.

Please let me a comment it is nice hearing from my readers.

Happy Eating!!

 

 

 

 

Cooking With Littles

 

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I am so lucky to be able to witness lots of firsts with my two grandbabies. Here their Mom April is teaching her littles Johnny 3 1/2 years old and Dottie his 23 month old sister how to make pizzas.

April and her husband Darren enjoy teaching and nurturing both children to learn something new everyday. They are truly wonderful parents and the two little ones have different demeaners.

Johnny is laid back easy going and Dottie is busy constantly exploring.  Their Mommy has their attention here since both of them love eating pizza.

I am proud how both the littles paid attention during their first baking lesson. While I watched and snapped a few pictures another feeling entered my mind, time is short and babies grow up so fast.

Everyone has busy days but don’t forget to slow down and look at those you love!!

Visit April online at @aprilintheburbs.

 

Homemade Blueberry-Lemon Zest Ice Cream

Chocolate Sandwich Cookie Ice Cream

Ingredients
  • 1 (14-oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
  • 1 (5-oz.) can evaporated milk
  • 2 cups whole milk
  • 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/8 teaspoon table salt
  • 1 cup crushed cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies
  • 3 tablespoons coffee-flavored liqueur
  • Hands-on: 10 Minutes
    Total: 6 Hours
  • 1. Whisk together first 6 ingredients; cover and chill 2 hours.
  • 2. Pour milk mixture into freezer container of a 1-qt. electric ice-cream maker, and freeze according to manufacturer’s instructions. (Instructions and times will vary.)3. Remove container with ice cream from ice-cream maker, and freeze 30 minutes.

    4. Stir crushed cookies and liqueur into ice-cream mixture. Transfer mixture to an airtight container or a loaf pan covered tightly with aluminum foil; freeze 3 to 4 hours or until firm.

    Blueberry-Lemon Zest Ice Cream: Omit cookies and liqueur. Bring 2 cups coarsely chopped blueberries, 2 Tbsp. sugar, and 2 Tbsp. water to a boil in a small saucepan over medium heat; reduce heat to low, and simmer 10 minutes, stirring often. Cool 30 minutes; cover and chill 2 to 3 hours. Meanwhile, prepare recipe as directed through Step 3. Stir 2 tsp. lemon zest into prepared ice-cream mixture, and swirl in chilled blueberry mixture. Proceed as directed in Step 4. Hands-on 25 min.; Total 6 hours, 45 min.

    Bourbon-Butter-Salted Pecan Ice Cream: Omit cookies and liqueur; increase vanilla to 2 tsp. Prepare recipe as directed through Step 3. Meanwhile, cook 1 cup coarsely chopped pecans and 1/2 Tbsp. butter in a small skillet over medium heat, stirring constantly, 7 to 8 minutes or until toasted and fragrant. Spread pecans on wax paper, and sprinkle with 1/4 tsp. kosher salt; cool completely. Stir pecans and 2 Tbsp. bourbon into prepared ice-cream mixture, and proceed as directed in Step 4. Hands-on 10 min., Total 6 hours

    Strawberry-Basil Ice Cream: Omit vanilla, cookies, and liqueur; reduce whole milk to 1 1/2 cups. Prepare recipe as directed through Step 1. Meanwhile, pulse 1 (16-oz.) container fresh strawberries, coarsely chopped; 2 Tbsp. chopped fresh basil; and 2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice in a food processor 5 or 6 times or until finely chopped. Stir strawberry mixture into chilled milk mixture. Proceed as directed in Steps 2 through 4. Hands-on 10 min., Total 6 hours

  • Credit Copyright © 2016 Time Inc. Lifestyle Group. All Rights Reserved.

Personal Safety

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Hello Everyone,

I am happy that Spring is in full bloom at our Texas home. One of my favorite past time activities is taking floral photos and enjoying nature. It is easy to become so absorbed in taking a picture and forget about my surrounding. In turn paying no attention to people passing by.

Although I am a believer that most people mean me no harm. There is evil in our world and taking safety for granted is unwise. With that said I wanted to share with you five personal safety tips.

1. Look around. Be aware of your surroundings and people within five feet of your reach.

2. Wake up.  Take out earphones and don’t be distracted by a phone conversation.

3.  Walk wide around building corners. Don’t get jumped.

4. No stranger gets in your home EVER. Home invasions are growing and a large number of murders start as home robbery incidents.

5. Don’t go with a stranger. Never go with a stranger anywhere. Fight, scream, make noise and stand your ground. You stand a better chance of surviving.

Several other tips come to mind but with families taking vacations keep it in mind to teach loved ones how to be safe.

Please share your safety tips!

Take Care,

Kathy Bradshaw

@kathyrb